Meet Sofia.
I'm not even sure where to begin with this one. I'm still in shock, myself. I guess I'll start exactly as it unfolded for me...
Evan had been coming home the first few months of school this year not really sure who to tell me he was friends with. He would say "everyone" or he would say, "well I think Alex and Hannah, but I'm not sure. How do you know if someone is your friend?" He would also ask me frequently how to GET someone to be your friend- and again- frequently mentioned Alex and Hannah, but from what I could gather they were hot and cold with him (or maybe just cold... or non-responsive.) I thought about emailing the teacher to ask if she'd noticed anything, but I didn't want to be "that mom." I asked him if they ever hurt his feelings but he seemed oblivious, "no, they didn't hurt my feelings," or "no, they weren't mean." Still, he wasn't sure if they were particularly kind either, nor sure of how they felt about him.
"What about Sofia?" I asked him finally, "her mom is very nice, I bet she's a nice girl."
Her mom, Maribel, was the pretty and petite American-Costa-Rican (did I say that right?) parent I first met at Trinity when I went in to help the class make applesauce. She was very warm and had a sense of humor- I had also run into her at Target on the first day, which I mentioned back in August. Anyway, this mention of Sofia on my part was a desperate attempt to control the uncontrollable, wondering if he was truly happy there, with all these new faces.
Well before I could blink, it seemed, he came home telling me he had a new girlfriend, could I guess who she was, and told me he would be getting married. "For real." WHOA.... slow down, cowboy...
Married? I thought.
"Married?" I said. "Evan, You know, just because mommy said Sofia's mom is nice doesn't mean you have to be friends with her.
"No, I know that. I'm friends with her because SHE'S nice."
"Oh." I said. "Good."
He had a note in his backpack with a picture of an elephant on it that said: Evan I love elabits do you? (Which is, apparently, a game they play on the playground.)
Next thing I knew, Evan was in his room carefully writing in multiple crayon colors: Sofia I love elabits and I love you.
Oh my.
The next day while I brushed his hair before school he was smiling at himself in the mirror. "Do you know why I'm smiling," he said.
"Why?"
"Because I get to see Sofia today," he blushed.
Oh my, oh my.
So, the Christmas Tree Farm Field Trip day arrived and I quickly approached Maribel as the kids were climbing on the bus. I put my hand on her back and said, "So has-"
"Yes!" she said, immediately.
"Phew," I said,"I was worried he was coming on too strong!"
"Oh, nonono. I think Sofia is the one who proposed to him. She gets in the car everyday and lets out a long sigh and swoons at his name. I told her she's been watching too many princess movies."
Not long after this conversation, we arrived at the farm, ate lunch on a separate blanket from his Beloved and I wondered just what they interacted like. Perhaps this was more of a shy, mysterious friendship with little interaction. Evan was complaining that he didn't get to sit by Beloved on the bus as I thought this thing out. His luck landed him in the seat next to the teacher- talk about a bummer. He finally walked over to Sofia with me and I took a picture (the two above) and that snowballed into something I have no words for...
And then they couldn't keep their hands off each other from this point on. The hayride was downright embarrassing. I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, interfere, hide them from the other parents and innocent Kindergarten eyes...
LOOK at that expression on his face. Totally smitten.
He was so laid-back and almost lethargic acting; lovesick. It was VERY upsetting. Not in a bad way, or a good way- but just an upset- a sight that shook me a little, that I wasn't sure HOW to process.
And I am so worried she's gonna break his heart.
I was so relieved when it was time to hop off and pick a tree for the classroom. (By the way, the Hannah and Alex aforementioned are the two girls on the top far left row.)
By the way, Evan is the oldest in his class... and the smallest. :) Well, the second or third to smallest.
Trying to help carry the tree they picked. They voted to decide. He and Sofia voted on different trees, and I was glad to know they were still two separate identities after that hay ride.
But how quickly they were back at it, full-force.
I didn't stop this behavior (although I was close,) because I didn't want to shame him. I didn't want to make something "bad" out of something innocent. I figured if he has felt a little lonely perhaps it is natural for him to go overboard with the first friend who reciprocates kindness...
When we left, we rode home in our friends' car- Ericka and her son, Brett, who is in a different Kindergarten class at the new school, but was at preschool with Evan last year. Brett complained, "Evan's not talking to me. He's just sitting there."
"That's because I miss Sofia," he said.
"You can have other friends," I said.
"Mrs. McDonnell, I think Evan is falling in L-O-V-E. Are you, Evan?"
"Am I what," (he was too busy gazing out the window and thinking of his Beloved.
"Are you falling in love?"
"Yes."
He came with me to get some pants hemmed when we got back to our car and he was slumping and scowling in the chair while I tried stuff on.
"This won't take long, I know you're tired."
"I'm not tired. I just miss Sofia," he said TEARFULLY. YES, tearfully.
The seamstress asked if Sofia made him laugh.
Then, keeping in step with his paternal genes he said, "no, I make her laugh."
Leave it to a man to pick a woman who thinks he's funny.
Since then, he has come home with a book Sofia made him, that featured, I do believe, a picture of a blonde groom and a dark-haired bride. He has sighed and swooned and when my mom asked if he would like to come home with her for a few days to play sometime he said, "no, because I would miss Sofia."
He has insisted on having her come over to our house during the break and we called her mother yesterday- Sofia then wanted to get on the phone and she talked his ear off for a good twenty minutes while he paced around saying he couldn't hear her very well because she was yelling- then he would turn to me and ask things like, "have I ever watched two movies in one day?" And answer all sorts of questions Sofia really needed to know. He also insisted on me showing her picture to NUMEROUS people, especially his pal, Ethan, who goes to a different school and was over for dinner.
He told me Sofia got Student of the Week and he was just so happy for her. He told me Sofia got in trouble one day- but then he wouldn't tell me any more because he said, "no, I can't say- it's not nice for me to say because it would embarrass her and hurt her feelings."
I let him not tell me, honoring his reasons- I figured I need to be careful in choosing what to insist upon in this "relationship."
But the REAL KICKER... the real heart-stopper occurred the other night as I tucked him into bed.
He said, "Mommy, I'm going to tell you something but you might not like it- are you sure you want to hear it? I better not." (His conscience is still connected to his tongue at this age.)
"You can tell me anything."
"I love Sofia more than you-" he spilt, and then he slapped his hand over his mouth like he'd said a bad word.
I gasped, (playfully,) and tickled him saying, "WHAT??? WHAT!"
And then he said seriously, 'But I love God more than Sofia."
"Well, then," I said (to myself as much as him,) "as long as you love God most of all, and as long as Sofia loves Jesus, I am very happy."
** added note: if you are worried about this happening when your now two-year-old is 6 and wondering how to avoid it... it's purely, entirely, 100% genetic. His father was- so they say- JUST like this. Has always wanted to be married. (NO pressure. I asked Shaun, after he reminded me of this genetic fact- "so how am I doing?") :)
