The Grocery Store Hates Me
I don't know when the conflict initiated, but Publix has made it quite clear we're at war, and it is personal.
Today my mom visited and watched the kids so I could go to the store- are you ready for this- ALONE. I know. Big day. And especially since today is the day I learned that the store's quam is not with my offspring, but with me.
Well maybe I'm exaggerating. I did pretty fine till check out, when a 2 liter coke slipped between the bars beneath my cart and I attempted to wiggle it lose. Big mistake. I had made a puncture so miniscule that you might have thought I was attempting arthroscopic surgery and, alas, my carefree run to the store became a big flop.
Heads turned toward the circus act of me trying to shield the spraying syrup while doing some jig of indecisiveness, like a potty-training toddler trying to locate a bathroom in the midst of an accident. I squeezed by my cart and lay the weapon spray-side-down in a trash can and may or may not have sprayed the cashier across the bottom in the process. Then I began looking for clean up and trying to figure out how I would get another Coke. I needed it for small group and I was not coming back.
If Shaun had been with me when this happened two things would've been very different for me.
1) The moment the plastic popped I would've just turned to him and said, "Shaun, quick, open your mouth!"
and
2) he would still be making fun of me and reminding me for the umpteenth time what a klutz I am forever doomed to be.
But that would've been well worth having his mouth on standby, and a price I'd have been very willing to pay.
So I guess I'll have to start shopping somewhere else now. The cashiers will all scatter when they see me coming. It's a shame, too. I loved Publix. The cookies they give the kids, the balloons, the car-chaped grocery carts. As much as it caters to kids, I should've known it had nothing against mine. Just me.
