Slowly getting around to more of the wedding pictures. (More at www.howiwonderphotography.com/blog.)

Labels: business

I am trying to leave town today and IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE MY HOUSE.  The wretched state it's in.  The clothes to fold and the toys to pick up, the dishes to load... but all of that fades in comparison to the excitement I feel this morning for my friends!  (More on that in a minute,) but I feel compelled to share with you what God has done. 

You see, often I think of the verse right here to the right of this paragraph... and I wonder how much I am telling the next generation of the things He's done, and how much more am I telling more about WHO He's made and is making...  And that's fine and good, as well.  But I don't want to neglect to say that HE IS weaving this tapestry of faith throughout my life built on His great deeds and wonders alone, (and not only my life, but in the lives of those around me.)  At times- most of the time- this faith He's building in me feels very fragile.  Like one more disappointment from life might make it snap in two, but when He adds another stitch to it, it's like He doesn't just add one stitch but a whole new color that I didn't even know existed.  It's enough to make me wonder why I ever felt weak? 

Maybe faith comes easier to some...  some of you know my back-story, some don't... but my heart has been broken, no shattered.  And not once, but repeatedly, by and for an authority figure in my life, (and ultimately, by God, who I believe is in control of all things.)  This causes a stumbling block of distrust for me.  Like Kelly Clarkson says in her song Because of You, "I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me- because of you, I am afraid...."  (and I can't tell you how much every word of this song resonates with the grieving part of me,) but there is also a greater part of me, the Spirit, who says He has not left me alone as an orphan, Who says He loves me enough to shatter the strongholds I built up as shelters self-defense and now worship, Who says He will smash all of my idols to the ground- even if it hurts- and woo me into the desert to speak Love over me and heal my wounds.

So what happened, already, that has my lips singing His praises this particular morning?  Well I'm sorry to say, but I have to give you just a little more back-story before I tell you.  (Or it won't mean as much.) 

These disappointments life can throw seem to come at me from every angle, not just directly, but through the blows I watch friends take.  When I was married, I came home from my honeymoon to hear that one of my bridesmaids and her mother had been in a horrible car accident and her mother was killed, and my sweet friend was severely injured.  I can't tell you how my heart sunk when my own, direct wounds, were so freshly cut, it seemed too much to bear, to think God would let things get so (seemingly) out of control.  About a year after that, another close friend lost her fiance in a skiing accident... she didn't lose his life but his presence as he sank into a coma... (that friend is Sarah Kay, who just visited us, who has now gone on to marry another Godly man and have a precious child who I just posted pictures of last week or so, Sophia, and publish a book... are you still with me?  This is confusing, I know.) 

Well, at the time of the skiing accident, it was just another twist of the knife in my already bleeding heart.  I think my internal reaction may have even started to take on a numbness, well, this really isn't surprising because when does God come through for anyone, protect us from hurting like He should?  (As if He ever promised that.) 

About two years or so after that tragedy,  Shaun and I lost his best friend, AJ Buffington, in a car accident who left behind a 20 year old widow and a 3 month old firstborn son. 

It was unending.  I was angry this time.  VERY angry.  More often than not, God was failing me- no US- His followers!

Now here is where I have to fast-forward, which I hate to do because a lot has happened since then that I really need to tell sometime, too, because it is the redemptive side of it all for me... (the journey to healing and a raw, real relationship with Jesus that I am still on/in now.)  But today, the reason I give you this little bit of the back-story, is to show the way I feel knit to each of these people I've "shared tragedy" with.  I feel I have carried their burdens (not necessarily willingly, but rather, because they were appointed for me to carry,) and as my bridesmaid, Katie, mentioned, "it's like a broken part of me is knit to a broken part of you."

It is therefore, especially exciting to me to discover God in the desert with these sisters, side by side.  Okay, so here is the part where I reveal the good (and now over-hyped for you, though not to me,) news... 

This part of the story starts with the fact that Wednesday, when it was my morning to pray (with the girls I've previously  mentioned in other posts, who I pray with through email every morning,) I asked God- on a whim, and feeling like he was my dad and why couldn't I ask Him something, who cared if His answer was no, I might as well ask- that He bring Nate Ndjerareou his green card by the end of the week. (He has been awaiting his green card for SIX years, at least.)  It was not a demand, or me testing God, it was just a simple request and nothing complicated- and I didn't think I would feel disappointed if He didn't do it, but I knew He could if it so pleased Him. 

Before I sent the prayer, I got to thinking that maybe that wasn't even a realistic request- I wasn't sure of the whole process and what step they were on in the thick of it- so maybe I should ask God by the beginning of summer- the first day of June instead.  I erased the original request and did just that.

Then last night, when I was having a long phone conversation with Katie, ("bridesmaid" mentioned above, now married herself and close to having her doctorate.) We were sharing the holy wrestle experience, so to speak... over prayer- what it is, what is it not, and does God hear us and respond- are we to ask things of Him, to expect Him to provide in such a casual manner. It was just a raw chat (if anything raw can be called a "chat") and we wrapped it up around 11 or 11:30 because we needed sleep- (she had an early flight this morning and I am leaving town today...)

About 15 seconds after we hung up, I walked into the bedroom and Shaun announced that he had just received a text message from Nate Ndjerareou and HE GOT THE GREEN CARD! Praise the Lord and Hallelujah! 

How the Lord must have chuckled as I backspaced over "the end of this week" Wednesday, and replaced it with "the first day of June."  How he must've smiled! 

And now, I can't help but think He's showing off. 

I don't mean to sound like cheesy love poetry here, but- how this makes my heart love Him; that He is tender enough to restore my faith and heal my wounds step by step... piece by piece... moment by moment and day by day. When He does something like this, I get the strong sense that He knew all along where He was taking me and we were on course all along, even though all I could see was the fog of life. Glory!

PS- I apologize for any typos and the unorganized manner of this, but I have no time to proof it, so here I go posting it... 

1. The tick we just plucked off of Madalyn's leg about an hour ago.

2. Evan's soccer game that was earlier this evening.

3. Jack's temper at Evan's soccer game- the endless fits over me not letting him play by himself with the umbrella stroller IN THE PARKING LOT. I know. What a cruel mother I am.

4. Jack's love of cars and trains and anything with wheels; how he locates Madalyn's stroller whenever I put it back where it belongs, stuffs it full of his matchbox cars, and strolls around the house that way as frequently as possible.

5. The way Madalyn sighed in the car and told me she missed her husbin yesterday. (I asked who her husband was and she clarified "daddy.")

6. The 3 photo sessions I've completed but not posted yet, and the one I have posted... because I'm a goal-oriented, firstborn perfectionist and don't feel they're complete until they're up... even though nobody cares but me. (Shaun often says, "It must be really rough to be you.") He's right. It is.

7. The way Shaun played with the kids tonight; putting them on his shoulders and letting them tug on his hair to move his arms like the rat in Ratatouille.

8. The four baby squirrels we found in a nest in our shed Easter afternoon.

9. Every detail of HOW WE rescued the squirrels (Shaun and I, that is.) It is SO impressive. You're really missing out here on this one.

10. The rash that turned out to be 100% Guttate Psoriasis. The rash that my doctor says, with most cases of it that he treats, is chronic. And how I wish I'd asked him to DEFINE CHRONIC.

Okay, so luck ain't got nothin' to do with it...

But I have gotten to see three sets of friends/family I haven't seen in years right in a row this month!!  First was the Ndjerareou family, then my brother-in-law (and good friend,) Ryan, and his awesome new girlfriend Gloria, and then just today, I was with one of my bridesmaids, ("Katie Schuenke" to me) even though she's married and goes by "Kate" now, and got to meet her precious niece and nephew for a photo shoot!  It has been a rich month!  God is so good!  AND- VERY SOON- I am going to a Beth Moore conference with Kim and Julie!  YAY!!!

(I took these pictures back when we were with two of the Ndejrareou crew on the playground one day, and I have some super sweet ones of Sophia and Madalyn with their baby dolls in a field together that I haven't edited yet...)

(Madalyn, dancing)

Showing me how she can do her hair all by herself now...

Her drama face.

This hair clip she's using is actually for a My Little Pony, but whatever.    

Dancing...

More dancing...

and running...

and more running...

running and yelling...

Climbing...

Evan is a really natural climber.  (Okay, don't laugh at me, because you actually CAN tell already!  I swear!)  His body sort of molds to the rock and he's very loose and limber up there.  Shaun thinks he will be a swimmer, the way he moves like this and is built. (I think he will be a soccer player because we are beating him with his shin guards, and that has to have some sort of lasting effect on a kid.)

..being his sweet self.

...wondering if I got the shot already, and can he please carry on doin' his thang?

Sliding... (and biting lip... with a colorful arm he tattooed himself... in the "property of mom" shirt that used to be Evan's...)

SIGH... where does time go?

This is my beautiful cousin. I had the joy of getting to shoot her wedding. We are so happy to welcome Dave to the family- he is such a wonderful guy.

Much, much more of her at www.howiwonderphotography.com/blog.

(www.thepioneerwomancooks.com)

Evan asked me this morning, "mommy do you loooove to cook, because I do?"

Why no I don't, I thought.

"Why yes, I do," I said.

And the reason I lied to my five-year-old, (because you know there was a reason, and I would never EVER toy with my child's mind like SOME PEOPLE WHO'S NAME STARTS WITH A S-H-A-U-N,) was to not diminish or discourage his dreams.

But then I got to thinking about it and I realized that- IF- I had full-grown children out on their own, and no job, and time was my #@$%&, then why yes, I think I might really enjoying cooking.  But only- IF- the pots and spoons would magically wipe down the counter tops and then jump into the dishwasher drawers.

(If you are one of my three faithful readers, you may remember me going into great detail about this back when I was completely and totally mad drunk on Estrogen just after having Jack.)

The fact is, I don't love to cook. I love to eat. THAT is my main motivation for cooking- cooking, you know, whenever the stars align right and the event actually happens.  And I like the idea of it; the aromas, maybe some music and candle light and a glass of wine while wearing a pretty apron.  But that's unrealistic because I don't even like wine.  I like Orange Juice with a splash of Amaretto at most.   

Anyhow, Evan's love of his Leapster Ratatouille cooking game has forced me to try new things lately, as well, and here are some recipes we tried out over the past few weeks per his request presented (roughly) in the style of the Pioneer Woman:

Pumpkin Spice Cake:

1 pkg. spice cake mix (approximately 18 1/2 oz.)
1 (15 to 16 oz.) can pumpkin pie filling (spiced)
1/2 c. water
3 eggs

GLAZE:

1 c. confectioners sugar
1/4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1/2 tbsp. milk

(Only quite frankly, I found this one later that looks even better:)

1 (18.25-ounce) package spice cake mix
3 large eggs
1 cup LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
2/3 cup NESTLÉ® CARNATION® Evaporated Milk
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 cup NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® Premier White Morsels

1. For White Chip Cinnamon Glaze: Heat 3 tablespoons NESTLÉ® CARNATION® Evaporated Milk in small, heavy-duty saucepan over medium heat just to a boil; remove from heat. Add 1 cup (6-ounces) NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® Premier White Morsels; stir until smooth. Stir in 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon.

Ingredients: Spice cake mix, pumpkin filling, eggs, spices, xxx sugar, and vanilla.

Very few ingredients are always a plus, are they not?

Just before going into the oven... one of those great "one bowl" recipes, more or less...

wow, check out those flour lumps, maybe I shouldn't be showing my steps...

Out of the oven she comes! (still sporting some flour patches... means it's homemade, okay?)

The cinnamon glaze... I think I would add a little something next time, like, umm.... BUTTER?

Butter needs to be inserted somewhere in every recipe, am I right?

And she's complete!

She was good warm like this, but even better toasted the next morning, with a slab of butter melting on her, and washed down with coffee.

Next up...

Chocolate Eclairs:      

1 c. water
1/2 c. butter
1 c. flour
4 eggs

Bring to rolling boil water and butter. Take off heat. Add flour and stir with spoon until ball can be formed. Add eggs. Beat like crazy. Mix until dough is very stiff; otherwise it will run all over pan. Drop by full teaspoons onto a cookie sheet for individual serving; put in a circular ring or in a strip. Bake 45-50 minutes at 400 degrees. Cool out of draft.

FILLING:

2 pkg. instant French vanilla pudding
2 1/2 c. milk
1 (8 oz.) container Cool Whip
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix pudding and milk. Mix well. Fold in Cool Whip and vanilla. Slice eclair in half and fill generously with entire amount of filling. Replace top of eclair. Drizzle top of eclair with Chocolate Sauce.

(Okay, I'll admit the whole stirring-a-boiling-ball-of-dough-thing was a bit intimidating so I forgot

to take a picture "in progress" of that, but here they are after baking.) 

The filling... delicious, and easy peasy.

The chocolate... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... (this stuff is good on ice

cream if you have leftovers... and can you believe I almost trashed it??  CHO-CO-LATE?

I almost trashed left-over CHOCOLATE.  Something really is still very wrong "up there" since

pregnancy.

These, while also good warm, were even better out of the fridge the next day.  MUCH better...

I really preferred them chilled, but no one will complain about warm chocolate, either. 

Next on the menu:

Chicken Spaghetti (This is a link)

My mom used to make this growing up only this recipe is a little different, I think...

this recipe was a cross between King Ranch and Tetrazzini, and soooooo good in its own right.

Pioneer Woman Chicken Spaghetti
2 cups cooked chicken
2 cans Cream of Mushroom soup
2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese
1/4 cup finely diced green pepper
1/2 cup finely diced onion

1-4 oz jar diced pimentos, drained
3 cups dry spaghetti, broken into two inch pieces
2 cups reserved chicken broth from pot
1 teaspoon Lawry’s Seasoned Salt
1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon Cayenne pepper
Salt & Pepper to taste
1 additional cup grated sharp cheddar cheese

Cook 1 cut up fryer and pick out the meat to make two cups. Cook spaghetti in same chicken broth until al dente. Do not overcook. When spaghetti is cooked, combine with remaining ingredients except additional 1 cup sharp cheddar. Place mixture in casserole pan and top with remaining sharp cheddar. Cover and freeze up to six months, cover and refrigerate up to two days, or bake immediately: 350 degrees for 45 minutes until bubbly. (If the cheese on top starts to get too cooked, cover with foil.)

I had three helpings and then had it for lunch and dinner the next day! 

We also made Pioneer's Tomato Soup, which was great, as well... especially with Mont. Jack grilled

cheese on Sourdough bread!  MMMMMMMMM...

Okay.  I need a snack now, I'm drooling.  Hasta Luego!

More of her and her sweet self at www.howiwonderphotography.com/blog.

Labels: business

Went to the Dermatologist. He loved me. I felt completely exploited while he took pictures, (all too excitedly,) of my arms and legs and feet and hands... and as he chose which part of the rash to biopsy... where to leave behind two little stitches. (And for the record, my inner thigh is NOT the "place least likely to annoy me," GENIUS.) Maybe for a person with twig legs, but these two thighs touch each other... in fact, they are good friends, and sometimes they flat out make out.

I took out my dad's stitches once when I was little, so I know how, and I can see that I'm healed and I think- shhh, don't tell Shaun, (he thinks I'm nuts)- that I might be sneaking them out myself as soon as I can buy scissors small enough...

Anyway, the Derm seemed to lean toward Guttate Psoraisis. He said it can be chronic. He said if it was, our treatment might be limited with my fair skin and with as wide spread as it was but let's just wait two weeks and go from there. TWO. WEEKS. I have already waited SIX weeks, two more seems like an eternity, but yeah, okay...

He was a real Pollyanna, that guy.

Right then I knew that some tears would go down, but could I hold it together till I got to the car? The nurse's empathy didn't help. Be strong, be STRONG... eeerrrrr. I growled inside my head for motivation and clenched my teeth like Rocky.

I made it to the car and called Shaun and the sound of his sweet voice might as well have been a megaphone commanding the floodgates to open. Poor guy thought I had been diagnosed with Lymphoma for sure because I couldn't even pull it together to say hello. Silence, while my chest bobbed and nothing came out. And I'm not really a crier. Seriously. I'm not.

I pulled it together enough to tell him I wasn't dying, and then I had to sob like a baby a few more times. I said, "you know, I've tried to be a good sport, I've thought 'well it's all relative, my health is generally good, it's no big deal,'" But I forgot that I was human and humans have to- occasionally- you know, be human. And part of being human is having emotions and ups and downs. So I threw myself a big pity party and Shaun was an awesome guest.

I called my Uncle R. when I got home (plastic surgeon) and he tried to lift my spirits and remind me that I was told "CAN be chronic" and that the doctor was doing the right things. I called my friend Jennifer who has, ironically, come down with the SAME thing, Guttate Psoraisis, and we're going to start a support group, so I think I'll get through...

Spent the weekend at the Springs and Gaylord Palms shooting sessions, so there's plenty of work to distract me. Two weeks will fly by- as they always have since having Evan.

But in the meantime, my Aveeno bath calls. Thanks for listening. If you made it this far, you are a better person than me. I would've tuned you out by now.

Labels: Illness, sick days

More of her at www.howiwonderphotography.com/blog

Labels: business

Evan had his Kindergarten shots scheduled today, and as with everything else in life, it ended up being all about me. 

To my credit, I can't help it that I'm a complete and total medical mystery and marvel.  Doctors love cases like me.  This is how it went down:

Me:  Hi, I'm Katie.  (we shake hands)  We haven't seen you before, but don't you go to Orangewood, Dr. M? 

Dr. M: Yes!  Are you the photographer? 

(We chat a bit... about photography and backgrounds and his new baby.)

Me: Yeah, and I normally don't look like this, I'm having this horrible allergic reaction.

(At some point this random and VERY pride-centered statement enters all introductions to new people now.)

Dr. M: Let me see, (begins examining my arm...   is sucked in...   hooked...   can't get enough...   looks on all sides of my arm.) Are you sure this is allergic?  What have you been told, who have you seen?

Me:  No, I'm not at all sure.  I've only gone to a clinic twice and am finishing my second pack of Prednisone.... (this is when I go back to the beginning and tell him how all germs within a 50 mile radius smelled me out and pounced in early February.)

Dr. M: Hmm.  (And this is where I paraphrase because he spouted off a whole bunch of doctor stuff I don't understand:) Yeah, because this is scaly.  And this isn't what hives look like.  And did you even have any symptoms of a UTI?  And you say you had Strep?

Me:  No I did not have one symptom.  Not a-one.  And yes, Strep!

Dr. M: You need to go to a dermatologist.  I would.  This isn't going anywhere.  I don't think the Prednisone is doing a thing for you.  There's something called... (this is where I'm inept to repeat again...) Do you mind, could you give me three?  This stuff is good for me... I'm gonna go look in my books...

Me:  I would LOVE to wait.

Evan:  When am I getting shots?

Doctor M returns and scratches down a list on a prescription pad: Pleva, Pityriasis Lichenoides, Papular Acrodermatitis, Pityriasis Rosea, Parapsoriasis.

He also wrote down some dermatologists for me.  I was THRILLED.  Seriously.  Someone who cared about my rash as much as me... maybe more!  (It's also likely he was just demonstrating the fruits of the Spirit, and I do not care which, because either way the man was a total and complete God-send, because just tonight I realized there are, in fact, NEW bumps.)

Anyway, Evan took his shots like a man.  He was SO tough.  We had a pep-talk in the car, during which he poked himself with a Capri Sun straw repeatedly. For practice.  I told him it would hurt more like the "Owie Plants" (stinging nettles) in our yard and he was fine and dandy with that as he's practically immune to those suckers now.  He made it through two shots with not a tear, but come the third it- was- personal.  And four was two too many.  He was SO proud of himself, I thought his chest would pop walking out of there and he wears the Bandaids like battle wounds.

Tonight Shaun looked over the list Dr. M made.  "I'll look some of these up for you since you have work to do."

A half hour later I asked what he found.  His answer:  let's just wait and see what the doctor says.

Me:  So you didn't look?

Him:  I just think we should wait and see before we freak out.

Me:  Wait!  You did look.  And it's bad.  Am I dying?

Him:  Let's just wait and see.

Me:  Give me the list.

Him: Katie.

Me: The list!

Him: Okay...

Me:  (Type, type, type...)  Chronic.  Oh no, see, not all cases are... lifelong... oh no, not all cases...  LYMPHOMA!

Him: You just couldn't listen, could you.

(And that period's meant to be a period.  It wasn't a question.  It was a statement.)

So you remember the post I wrote last Wednesday, two posts ago, about soccer practice? Well, tonight was all about proving two things to me: a) nothing's predictable b) people can change

About 5 minutes into practice, Evan stole the ball during a one-on-one drill, headed toward the other goal, and scored! Just like that. 1, 2, 3. As though he were demonstrating how the drill was to be done.

I was absolutely floored.

He also picked up the ball when it went out of bounds and was headed toward the coach to return it, and another kid tried to take it from him. He pulled it away and turned his body to protect it while still walking, then handed it to the coach.

I actually heard myself publicly praise him right then- Good job, Evan!- and reinforced that we do, in fact, beat him with his shin guards every night at 7 o'clock between teeth-brushing and prayers.

Another time tonight, he wedged his way into the swarm, stole the ball again, and ran ahead of the crowd with it toward the goal... only he was so focused on the ball that he lost his sense of direction and dribbled right on to the parking lot.

When he was corrected and came back onto the field, he could hear Shaun and me laughing from the sidelines and looked over, smiling, and asked, "what are you laughing about?"

"About how well you are doing!" I said.

Another time, after he trailed the swarm, not even bothering to catch up with them, he heard Shaun yell, "You're doing a great job, buddy!"

He looked over and laughed "no, I'm not!"

Now that's just insulting, okay, people? I'm not re-tada.

Shaun and I were beside ourselves in shock, completely giddy in the surprise of it all. What could have made the difference? What had gotten into him? Perhaps this was how he was; had to study it and learn it before he made his entrance into it. He was the same way at school. At swim class, come to think of it. Yes, we could see that. But still, we marveled- such a drastic difference in a week.

Then we knew. We saw what had happened. Shaun was the one to figure it out:

"It's like he's been staying up late at night reading the blog."

And that would perfectly explain the cookie crumbs and red blankie we found by the computer the other morning, wouldn't it?

Labels: adventures in sports, Evan

Labels: video

Labels: video