McDonnell Place

Monday, January 30, 2006

Did you know "morning" is an adjective?

As in, “Ohhhh…look how morning it is!” which is exactly what Evan said to Madalyn a few seconds ago while playing with our closet light and pretending it was day and night time.

This was just before they toddled off in a mad frenzy following Papa Bear who was going to put on their Larry Boy movie, or as Madalyn calls it, Goo-GA-boy! We can only figure that she’s combining Larry Boy! and good boy, Evan! But whatever she’s calling it, she sure was enthusiastic, running so fast after her daddy that her torso was rocking as if on a swivel, in broom-like motions swish, swish that kicked her air-pedaling feet out on either side of her, back and forth; a cartoon. Such a tiny bundle to move so fast. Like she’s power-packed, and always with a constant, frizzed-fro trailing straight of the back off her head, parallel to the ground. Can life get any sweeter?

Now that Evan’s given in and eaten his apple (see previous post,) which was followed by a self-gratified smile and sigh, and now that bedtime is 5 minutes away and 24 comes on after that, no it really doesn't get much sweeter. But before I go indulge in it, I feel compelled to share a few more of the negotiator’s tactics that I thought of after my last post:

No, let me cry, I need to cry.
Do you want this, or nothing, mommy?
Don’t argue with me, mommy.
Don’t say “no Evan” to me about this, mommy. I need to do it.

Actual sentences by my actual child.

Okay, okay! So on second thought, it's honestly not that surprising. He is the offspring of the boy who raised his hands above his birthday cake in the preschool years and was about to dive in when his mother stopped him...or more like paused him, before he replied, "I have to," and plunged both hands right into that cake, up to his armpits.

Now, admittedly, this would be much preffered next to the birthday yours truly lifted the cake knife above her head in the throws of drama just before cutting her own rollerskate birthday cake with donuts for wheels, and accidently stabbed poor Laura Hanrahan, the innocent bystander/neighborhood friend just behind her, right between the eyes...yes, drawing blood...of course to hear my mom tell the story you'd think I was the victim, she felt so bad for me feeling bad at my own party. (I mean, who was that Laura Hanrahan girl, anyway, to get in the way of my knife at my party, right, mom?)

And so I think between the two of us, Shaun and me, we had it coming. After all, you know what they say...(and it's not "paybacks are a cinch.")

The Negotiator

After an endless battle with Evan over whether he can have more peanut butter on his apple or not, I said, "Why don't we talk about something else? Why don't we talk about what we're going to do after your nap?"

"No, that's not a good question."

Do you see what we're dealing with here?!! He turns everything around on me and outsmarts me right and left. He's also been known to say to us things along the lines of "No, don't talk to me like that," "Mommy, if you can't listen..." "Don't ever talk to me like that, mommy," "Don't ever do that again, mommy." And many, many other similar commands. And I thought I wouldn't have to deal with back-talking until middle school. Ha! I'm already struggling to maintain my authority and not because I've given him any ground, not because any of these comments go unpunished or without reprimand...but because, well, he's just that good.

The other day he colored on the wall and got a spanking. The next time I saw it I began to fuss over it again (it's like Picaso's ghost went at two walls like they were a blank canvas) and he said, "No, you already spanked me. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

I thought, fair enough. Once it's over, it has to be over...moms aren't allowed to hold a grudge.

Another problem is his defending Madalyn at certain times: "No, Madalyn can do that, she's a baby," "no...Madalyn can do that, she's a girl," (I swear we haven't ever said the "girl" line to him- I don't where that came from,) and then he fusses at her on his own at other times, using rationalities and consequences we use for him: "Madalyn, that's a no-no. If you do that again, Madalyn, no cup." The other day he was doing this sort of thing and I told him he couldn't tell her what to do.

"You're not the mommy, you're the little boy," I said, "just be the little boy."

"No, I'm the leader." (He was quoting Shaun's previous instructions to not follow Madalyn's baby behavior but be a good leader back to me.)

I heard myself quickly re-explaining what leader means, exactly...we lead by example and not by barking orders.

This brings me to right now, this current control-battle, as the master negotiator is in his room crying it off until he's ready to try eating his apple "as is."

And me, well I just felt the need to tell the world: I SO have my work cut out for me...God help us all!

Friday, January 27, 2006

Diva in the Making

We're sick here. Head colds/coughs. Don't feel like writing much, but my friend Katy sent me this today, so I thought I'd share it as a "pick-me-up." Enjoy! (Our whole family did...especially Evan, who watched it with a fixed, open smile.) :)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Evan

What Evan said to me last night while wearing "ear bud" headphones: "Daddy, I want to listen to some really good music..."

Translation: "Dad, I want to listen to music that is NOT Barney or Veggie Tales. I would like to hear "Big House" by Audio Adrenaline."

Shaun

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Thinking

I've really been enjoying my mornings this week, as I've gotten into the habit of sitting on the couch with the best blanket in the world- SO soft, thanks mom- and a cup of Half n Half with a little bit of coffee, then diving into my Beth Moore study on the Patriarchs- encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Regarding these "quiet times" as mini-vacations has blessed me in a way I never expected. The last study I started, I decided I wanted to make a commitment to daily spend time waiting for God, listening, pursuing Him. At the time that I did that, I recalled how a high school mentor of mine, Stephanie, used to always have a coffee cooler during our Bible studies. She came to them as though it were a joy and privilege and not something to be obeyed or performed. So in the past few months, I began doing the same thing; always sitting down when the kids were settled in front of a movie or sleeping, and always taking a drink or snack with me, depending on the time of day...usually coffee or a coffee cooler. The coffee is merely a reminder to me. A symbol of what this sacred time's meant for: rest and peace. God is showing me that approaching Him in this way is in keeping with Him; with who He is, and with what He wants to give us. Yes, He wants our obedience, and yes He wants us to love Him...but where is the fuel for such actions if we aren't first receiving Love from a bottomless Source?

What a joke for me to commit to pursuing God. Sounds lofty, doesn't it? But my flesh is no more likely to pursue God than Hagar's was. But it was God who found Hagar. He pursued her. She wasn't pursuing, she was running...and that's my natural tendency, too. (Gen. 16: 7-14)

You see, the past 6 months of my life have been chock-full of this resounding theme as God has entirely re-written my original mission statement: God is forever desiring to demonstrate His love for me- for us. For a while I was praying to love Him more, but very clearly and gently, through the channel of His Truth, and my grandfather, Jack, and through other channels that have taken all forms, God's been telling me what He really desires, is for me to receive His love. He desires for me to let Him love me with the same passivity of sitting beneath the rays of the sun. The obedience and returned love flows only out of what we've received. Hence, as was promised to father Abraham, those blessed become a blessing. (Gen. 12: 2)

The burden and yoke are meant to be easy and light (Matt. 11: 30 and Gal. 5: 1), so it's safe to conclude that if we're feeling burdened, it's because we're carrying too much of our lives on our own backs... if I'm feeling drained, it's because I'm trying to run an engine on an empty tank...if I'm dissatisfied, it's because I'm manipulating instead of waiting. In fact, just this morning I read Beth's sentence,

What you have to manipulate to get is rarely yours to keep.

She felt God laid that sentence on her heart, and I found myself thinking back over my own experiences after reading it. Even the things I've manipulated into getting and had the option to keep left me dissatisfied. How many times have I worked against myself, much like this dog? Sometimes our biggest enemy is...us, or at least part of us. (By the way, I can't help but think of Mark 9:43 when I watch this dog.)

I emailed this same link to my father-in-law and he replied that that was him on any given Monday. I told him not to sweat it because that was me most days of the week, and with a kid usually gnawing on my other ankle. But the truth is that God is slowly bringing me, my father-in-law, Tim, and anyone who is willing to wait for Him to demonstrate His love, away from our self-destructive tendencies, transforming us into something much better.

How much more peace is there to be had in waiting for God? How much better is what God gives over what we go after and arrange for ourselves? How much better is custom-made than altered-to-fit?

Just now Evan was whining to me while I was writing this, saying he was hungry. I asked him if instead of whining he could say, "mommy I'm really hungry and I can't wait, will you help me?" He said, "mommy I'm really hungry and I can't wait- so what I need you to do IS..." I've just shared a laugh with God over that one!

How many times have I said that same thing; I really need this and I can't wait, so what I need You to do IS...and if You withhold it from me, I will just have to go and make it happen on my timing and get it for myself, instead of: will You help me, are You going to help me? I will wait for you, but just show me that You see me and recognize my needs.

Now the plain truth is that God's parenting makes mine look downright dysfunctional, but I can tell you that I would never want to put off Evan's hunger, and if I hate the idea of putting of his, how much more does God hate putting of mine? The only time I ever put off Evan's hunger was to break him of bad eating habits, for his greater good. We can trust that if God is holding off an immediate answer to our need it is because He has our greater good in mind.

More and more, in this corner of my soul and that, God is exposing my tendencies towards legalism. Little by little, and sometimes leap by leap, I am learning the same Truth I learned years ago- the Truth that healed me from an eating disorder in high school; by His grace alone and not by my merit or effort. By His love, and not by keeping to laws and rules. Even the seemingly innocent efforts towards attaining a relationship with Him- reading Scripture and going to church and praying- even those can be attempts to manipulate a relationship into being instead of delighting in the presence of the God who is, if they come out of a heart centered on "doing" rather than "receiving"...receiving ALL good things from Him, the great "I Am." (Isa. 57: 12, Rom. 4: 2, Rom. 9: 12, Rom. 9: 32, Eph. 2: 8-10)

May the only question any of us ask Him on a daily basis be, will You demonstrate Your love for me? May we be still enough to hear. He did it on the cross and He is perched and ready to do it again, always swift to answer this question. He may not give other answers so readily, but He has never been slow to answer this particular question. He doesn't let the sun go down before answering it for me. Praise Him for being a God who loves individuals, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and not just God, Creator. Bless His name forever.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Snips and Snails

Evan and Madalyn found out yesterday that they have a little brother in the making!

It was an exciting morning in more ways than one; Madalyn having a dirty diaper the minute we arrived at the lab, Madalyn's face melting into panicked concern as I climbed on the exam table, as though I'd soon be undergoing torture- mommy!mommy!mommy! (she kills me- might as well have ripped my heart from my chest)- and then there was Evan, who after seeing one blurry black and white image on the screen realized this just wasn't as cool as mommy and daddy made it out to be and announced, oh-ka-ay, let's go-o!

I was 16 weeks 6 days and the baby's measurements came out at 16 weeks, 5 days...everything right on track. And what a miracle to see a healthy spine and heart for the third making in my womb. Praise the Lord!

And as for the new little personality we spotted, Jack-be-nimble was just a-jumping and a-jiving. The longer we viewed him, he seemed to wear out in his performance and even gave us a long stretch, arms fully extended over his head, and cuddled one hand up to his face, maybe even his thumb in his mouth, like Evan did. It only made sense, though, to originally find him so lively, because just this morning I was sure I felt him jump for the first time. It surprised me because I didn't feel the other two until nearly 20 weeks.

Who are you going to be to this world, for our God, little baby? I've already given you back to Him, (which I will no doubt have to do again and again,) but I can't wait to see where He takes you! You have a wonderful daddy, big brother and big sister waiting to cheer you on. God bless you and keep you, now and forever more.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Amen, Little Sister! Amen.

Most nights of Evan's small life I have prayed over him when going in to cover him. Years ago, God moved me to trace my fingers in a cross on his forehead and pray that he would know Him from a young age and know how much God loves him. I've done it repeatedly ever since, with a sense of overwhelming gratitude and undeservedness; in awe of the fact that I've been given the mercy, grace, and authority to do this in His name.

Praying for Madalyn has been an entirely different experience altogether. We can't open her door fully before she's standing up looking at us, blinking through the dark in the bright flood of hall lights. So for a while I would pray with her as I tucked her in and always receive a resounding "Amen!" before I could finish. I also often find myself crossing her door after I bless Evan, in order to bestow the same blessing upon her. But recently I've been moved to pray for her while she's awake. Today I was watching the beginning of a movie with her, and I traced her forehead and didn't even think she was paying attention-

May she always know Your freedom and great love for her, I said.

AMEN! came a precious, baby voice back to me, in firm agreement.

Nothing has ever made me more joyful than hearing and watching my children respond to God's love. My heart tumbles in my chest and my eyes fill with puddles of joy. The cycle seems to go like this: He blesses me in letting me whisper Truths over her, then blesses her with these Truths, then she blesses both Him and me in her response. Surely this is what He meant/means when He says He heaps blessings upon blessings; they are alive and unending.

As much as I long and ache to keep my precious daughter at this precious, tender age- 18 months- in the same breath I can say I look forward to the years to come. I can't wait until I can surrender the parental authority God's given me over her and consider her not only my daughter and blood, but my sister and friend. He is so good to me, a sinner. Praise Him and bless His name for ever!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Don't Read While Eating

I just wanted to announce that yesterday morning I threw up 2 pieces of toast and an entire cup of milk in the kitchen sink, and yes it traumatized the children again and will require more extensive therapy to restore them to a normal state of being. Has anyone else ever thrown up COLD milk? That's how brief its time in my stomach was- it was still COLD! I have this desire to describe exactly what this experience was like...in thorough, textured detail... but I won't. Please know, however, that I'm shivering just typing this. And here's the kicker- I'm sixteen weeks along and thought I was well past this. Just like Lloyd, I didn't even see it comin'! What the heck?!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Snug as a Thug in a Rug

Evan was cold getting in bed tonight and wanted socks on. So, being the lazy, insolent parent that I am, I tucked him snug as a bug and asked if the covers did the trick.

"No, Sweetie," he said patiently and gently, as he often addresses us- in a tone that says he's sympathetically aware that his parents have brains the size of peas; "but I still need socks on."

So socks it was. Then I asked, as always, what he wanted to talk to God about tonight.

"Um, I want to talk about Chick-fi-lake."

"Oh okay, so you want to thank Him for Chick-fil-a?"

"Uh huh, I just said that. Okay. Goodnight, mommy. I love you. Amen. I won't get out of my bed, but I think I need a movie on."

Ummm...no dice, Rocco. Saying it faster, at the chance that your mother's tiny pea brain will be incapable of processing the information rapidly enough, and that she really won't hear or absorb the information but mindlessly follow the instructions therein...well it just doesn't work that way. At least not yet. (Check back with me in a few years.) But in the meantime, it sure was a nice try.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Happy Birthday to Me

I remember at my baby shower just before Evan was born, my mom telling me, "Soak it up, because this is the last time it'll be all about you. That's just the way it is." She was right.

I turned 26 yesterday, and thanks to my friend, Stephanie, who brought me a birthday cake complete with candles during our play-date, and a gift certificate to get a pedicure...and thanks to my husband Shaun who took the kids to Burger King when they woke and brought me my breakfast in bed this morning because he felt bad for having to work so hard yesterday...it's not so bad. Stephanie's son, Ethan, sang a lovely rendition of the birthday song to me, and there's nothing like being serenaded from a three-year-old. The kids took good naps because they were so exhausted from playing, and to top it off, Shaun did take a break from his work to go get ice cream from the store, and I have to say that if my real husband has work to do, Chubby Hubby will always be an acceptable substitute. Always.

Stephanie

the really yummy brownie layered cake Stephanie made

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Evan Above

Shaun came home late last night, about a half hour after bed-time, so when Evan asked me to lie with him I thought why not. What followed made me regret not lying with him more often; a game of 20 Questions, subject matter: God. I've never watched his mind rush like this! I immediately had to write down all I could remember that he said, and even so, I still feel I forgot some.

Here are a few of his exact questions:

What did God make Orlando with? Did He draw it with markers?

Does God have feet? What does God look like?

Is God in Heaven?

Where is Heaven? Is it up there? (Points out the window.)

What color is Heaven? Is it white? What color is the light in Heaven? Is it yellow?

And when I tried to remind him about how Jesus is God and we'll get to see Him with our eyes when we get to Heaven, and won't it be exciting, won't it be fun to meet Who made you and loves you so much, he said-

It WILL be so fun. I will be so excited when we get to go there!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

From December

always a joy to walk into...

Monday, January 09, 2006

Acts 17

26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'

This is a verse a friend brought to mind last night in light of our beginning to house-hunt again. I won't ruin it by commenting much, except to say it's amazing when you really sit and ponder how great and precious is His love. Simply amazing! He has given me a thousand reasons to praise Him and give glory to His wonderful name, lately, as many things are slowly weaving together and in place before my very eyes. I pray that none of us would overlook any one of His countless blessings on our lives!

And now I'll retire from the pulpit, (much to your relief.) ;)

Thursday, January 05, 2006

With This Herring I Thee Wed

In an interesting social and cultural development, a woman by the name of Sharon Tendler became the first woman to marry a dolphin. After a 15-year courtship, the British millionaire married the "love of her life" - a 35-year old dolphin named Cindy. See the full story here.

You are probably thinking this woman is crazy; however, you need to get a clue and a little perspective. She is just trying to live A Porpoise Driven Life.

Shaun McDonnell

OK, I have to update this post as of 9:10am EST. If you look at the comment Katie made, she mentions how I sent my little "Porpoise Driven Life" joke to Rush Limbaugh after he read the story towards the end of his program yesterday. He responded with a simple "rofl" which means "Rolling on the Floor Laughing." I sent him the email around 2:50pm yesterday. Now, click the link below to hear this morning's "Rush Limbaugh Morning Update" that is played on radio station's across the United States. Listen to the whole thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

I consider myself honored to have been plagiarized by Rush Limbaugh himself. :) I plan to email him again to harass him about ripping me off. :)

Shaun McDonnell

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

When Harry Met Sally

You've Got Mail was on tv last weekend. I love this movie, and even more now than when it was first released.

This was the movie I watched sitting on an airplane on a runway in Detroit after having been in a holding pattern for an hour and a half over snowy, unapproachable Chicago. This was the movie that was playing as I tried not to think about being on a plane with shadowy, odd-smelling strangers, when I tried not to ponder the possiblity of having to catch another flight in the morning (which is precisely what ended up happening.) And this was the movie playing when there was an announcement from the flight attendant for Katherine Brill to please exit the plane and report to the gate immediately.

Great, I thought, I'm sitting in Detroit on an airplane full of dark figures snoring and coughing around me for an indefinite period of time, and now I'm about to get news that something tragic has happened back home.

When I reached the gate they very indifferently and impersonally told me it was my father on the phone:

Hello?

Hey!

Not my dad.

Shaun?

Yeah! Hey! You wouldn't believe the hoops I had to jump through to get ahold of you!

How did you know where- how did you find me?

Well, we've been waiting at the airport for you and I saw the delay and made some calls...are you okay?

Yeah.

Everything's alright?

Yeah, I'm alright.

Ellen and I have to head back to campus, but I'll catch a cab back to the airport to get you. Just call me when you get here.

That could be the middle of the night.

That's okay.

Isn't- (we'll call her "Jane")- Isn't "Jane" coming to see you tomorrow?

Yeah, that's alright.

Okay, well we'll see...

Just promise you'll call me when you get in.

We'll see...

No. Promise.

Okay, I'll call you!

(It almost goes without saying that it wasn't too many days after this conversation that he broke it off with "Jane.")

Even watching the movie this weekend, it still amazes me that that was what was playing on the runway that snowy night, like a hand gently nudging me in Shaun's direction. And When Harry Met Sally had been on tv the Christmas just a month prior, when Shaun and I were becoming fast friends, "best friends." But do you have room for a best friend when you already have a boyfriend? Well I, for one, was naive enough to think so...

Stranger still, when you combine When Harry Met Sally with You've Got Mail, our love story is told almost in its entirety (minus a few parts like the sandwich-in-the-diner scene.) The reason these screenplays are so close to our life-scripts is for one of two reasons: Either Nora Ephron and I have lived very similar lives, or, (much more probably,) this is just the way good writing is; it convinces you every apparent oddity and quirk in your personality, in your gender, and in your relationships are wonderfully poetical and unique, and at the same time perfectly normal, allowing you to view life and all its paradoxes and pain as both humorous and sacred at once.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

"Pulling a Madalyn" would be...

1. Running smack into the wall and falling over because are so excited looking down at the Elmo shirt you have on.

2. Leaning into your parents with a mmmmm whenever you hug them, like you've just found your soul mate.

3. Ramming the refrigerator door into your mother's head with the instinct of a billy goat whenever she's fishing something out of it. (And always getting a running start, and always catching her off guard.)

4. Blowing your daddy kisses every day as he leaves for work with your other hand pressed up to the pane of the glass by the door. When he turns to finally go, like from Jekyll to Hyde, you bang on it violently until he turns for yet another goodbye and then transform right back into softness, going back to your blowing kisses and gently waving.

5. Frequently spouting a pitiful and emphatic "PEAS" not as a question, but as a guaranteed "magic word" that gets you whatever it is you're in need of and as if your well-being depends on it, (in just the same manner as you might click your ruby heels together and demand to go home.)

6. Making "Madalyn eyes." (Clamp them shut, pressing your lashes into your cheeks, tip your chin down to your chest, and then pull them back open with pretended effort, looking straight up or up and to the side.) But honestly, I don't know if anyone could pull this off except for M.C. in the flesh. I assure you, she gives a whole new meaning to "making eyes."

IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: Happy Birthday, JULIE!!